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AS THE LIGHTS COME UP, ALESSIO ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY LETIZIA. |
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ALESSIO |
Come on in, honey. Don't be shy. This is your home, now. |
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LETIZIA |
I'm not shy. |
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ALESSIO |
You stopped in the doorway... |
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LETIZIA |
Because I couldn't see a darn thing... it's so dark in here. |
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ALESSIO |
You think so? |
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LETIZIA |
Like a mausoleum. |
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ALESSIO |
Well, maybe the curtains are a little heavy... the furniture's kind of old... You never said anything before? |
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LETIZIA |
I always thought of it as your house. I didn't realize that I'd have to live here too... |
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ALESSIO |
Well, it's the apartment of a man who's lived alone for many years. What it needs is a woman's touch... |
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LETIZIA |
What it needs is a couple of house painters... |
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ALESSIO |
At least it's roomy... centrally located... You'll see, with a few improvements here and there and some new furniture, it will look beautiful. |
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LETIZIA |
There are no limits to your imagination. |
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ALESSIO |
It'll be our love-nest. |
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LETIZIA |
Haven't you ever thought of selling this... love-nest and buying another place, one with a little more light? |
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ALESSIO |
There's all the light you want right here. Look, the windows are big. It's just that the curtains don't let the sun in. We'll replace them with something more delicate, more modern. |
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LETIZIA |
Might as well give it a try. |
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ALESSIO |
Come on, let's not think about that right now. We've just come back from our honeymoon... |
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LETIZIA |
In that incredibly romantic place... |
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ALESSIO |
One place is as good as another... |
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LETIZIA |
What! Paris is a place for a honeymoon... The Seychelles is a place for a honeymoon... Not that rundown boardinghouse buried in the middle of the Tyrolian mountains... I had my heart set on seeing Madrid... |
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ALESSIO |
I've got it. |
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LETIZIA |
What? |
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ALESSIO |
Madrid. |
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LETIZIA |
What do you mean? |
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ALESSIO |
I've got a whole box of slides on Madrid: "Madrid, noche y dia..." I won them with the green stamps from the mashed potatoes... |
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LETIZIA |
Oh, my God... |
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ALESSIO |
You can win a whole bunch of prizes... Oh, all right, sweetheart... as soon as we're a little more settled in, we'll take a real trip. |
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LETIZIA |
Sure. As soon as you've collected the green stamps from the margarine... |
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ALESSIO |
Are you insinuating that I'm cheap? |
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LETIZIA |
Oh, nooo! |
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ALESSIO |
I have a sense of responsibility, that's all. |
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LETIZIA |
You had them put snow in your wine... |
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ALESSIO |
It's a local tradition... |
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LETIZIA |
You waited for it to melt before you poured it, so that you could turn a quarter liter into a half liter. |
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ALESSIO |
It's impossible to satisfy you, isn't it? |
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LETIZIA |
I'm just not satisfied with this house. |
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ALESSIO |
What's so horrible about it? |
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LETIZIA |
It's not the walls, or the furniture or the curtains... I could find a way to cheer the place up too, if I wanted to... |
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ALESSIO |
Then what is it? |
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LETIZIA |
I don't know... There's something about it...as if someone didn't want me here. |
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ALESSIO |
But you and I are the only ones here. |
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LETIZIA |
I don't believe in ghosts, if that's what you mean. |
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ALESSIO |
No, I didn't mean that at all. |
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LETIZIA |
It's probably you who doesn't want me here, though you don't realize it. |
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ALESSIO |
Don't be silly. I've wanted you for so long. I did everything in my power to make you my wife. |
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LETIZIA |
I feel rejected inside this place. |
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ALESSIO |
It's just your imagination... Look, I'll take the bags into the bedroom and while you get freshened up, I'll make us a nice lunch. I put lots of goodies in the refrigerator before we left. You see, I was planning ahead for our homecoming.(He goes into the bedroom. Letizia walks around the room, inspecting the furniture and decorations. She stops in front of the closet door and shakes the handle, trying to open it) |
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LETIZIA |
What's in here? |
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ALESSIO |
(Reentering) That's the closet... it's a mess inside... |
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LETIZIA |
Why is it locked? |
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ALESSIO |
No reason... I've lost the key... (Pause) There's some champagne in the refrigerator, too... (Pause) Well, what are you waiting for? Come on, get into something comfortable. This is our home now. |
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LETIZIA |
Oh my God... |
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ALESSIO |
What's the matter? |
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LETIZIA |
Nothing, just that I had every possible convenience at my house. My mother took care of everything... I was always away at work. I don't know where to begin... |
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ALESSIO |
Well, first just make yourself at home. |
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LETIZIA |
It'll take more than a bathrobe and a pair of slippers... |
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ALESSIO |
I understand how you feel. It's scary starting a new life... |
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LETIZIA |
I imagined it all so differently... |
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ALESSIO |
But this is only the beginning... |
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LETIZIA |
I hate to think of what's to come... |
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ALESSIO |
Who says it has to get worse? |
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LETIZIA |
Did we make a mistake getting married? |
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ALESSIO |
It's kind of early to ask that question. |
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LETIZIA |
Maybe we didn't think it over enough. |
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ALESSIO |
I've been thinking about it for years... |
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LETIZIA |
Maybe it was all a dream... |
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ALESSIO |
A dream come true. |
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LETIZIA |
Couldn't that be just the problem? |
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ALESSIO |
Problem? |
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LETIZIA |
I don't know... suddenly you seem different ... I feel insecure ... as if I'd been drawn into a trap. (Pause) Let's look for another place to live. |
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ALESSIO |
But this is my house. And now it's yours, too. |
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LETIZIA |
What are you hiding from me? |
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ALESSIO |
Nothing... Come on, we've been married for just two weeks and already we're on the verge of a break-up? |
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LETIZIA |
Should we start thinking about a divorce? |
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ALESSIO |
Don't be ridiculous... |
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LETIZIA |
I was only asking a question. |
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ALESSIO |
A pretty stupid one, if you ask me. |
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LETIZIA |
Let's not start with the insults. |
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ALESSIO |
You're pretty touchy, too. |
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LETIZIA |
You called me stupid. |
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ALESSIO |
I only said your question was stupid. |
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LETIZIA |
But I'm the one who asked the question. |
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ALESSIO |
We all say stupid things from time to time. |
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LETIZIA |
If there's anyone here who says stupid things, it's you! |
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ALESSIO |
You're looking for a fight, aren't you?! |
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LETIZIA |
You're the one who wants a fight! |
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ALESSIO |
Oh, why are we quarreling like this? |
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LETIZIA |
That's just what I want you to tell me. |
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ALESSIO |
Well, I'm certainly not quarreling by myself. |
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LETIZIA |
Oh yes you are! All by yourself! |
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ALESSIO |
And what do you think you're doing? |
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LETIZIA |
I'm watching... |
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ALESSIO |
Watching what? |
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LETIZIA |
I'm watching you quarreling by yourself. |
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ALESSIO |
Are you trying to drive me crazy? |
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LETIZIA |
Ah, don't start throwing the blame on me... |
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ALESSIO |
Blame for what? I'm not crazy yet... |
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LETIZIA |
No one ever admits they're crazy. If a crazy person knew he was crazy, he wouldn't be crazy... |
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ALESSIO |
What's that, a tongue-twister? |
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LETIZIA |
No, an axiom. |
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ALESSIO |
What do you mean? |
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LETIZIA |
What do you mean, what do I mean? There is no meaning? |
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ALESSIO |
Now you're starting to play with words? |
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LETIZIA |
I've never seen a word play. |
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ALESSIO |
The words aren't playing. You're playing with the words. |
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LETIZIA |
I never play... |
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ALESSIO |
That's exactly what you're doing right now! (Pause) |
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LETIZIA |
Well now... about that champagne... |
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ALESSIO |
I'm keeping it cool... |
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LETIZIA |
How do you manage that? There's no snow here... |
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ALESSIO |
I happen to have what's known as a refrigerator ... |
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LETIZIA |
Handed down to you from your ancestors? |
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ALESSIO |
Very funny... It should be cold by now. It's been in there for three weeks... |
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LETIZIA |
As long as you don't serve it in little cubes, I don't care... whatever the name on the label is... |
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ALESSIO |
It's top quality. Don't be so cutting. |
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LETIZIA |
Under the circumstances, I thought I was being sparkling... |
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ALESSIO |
Leave that to the champagne... |
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LETIZIA |
...which I still haven't seen... |
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ALESSIO |
Just a minute! (He goes to the refrigerator, opens it and takes out a bottle. he stares at it dully) |
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LETIZIA |
What's the problem? |
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ALESSIO |
It's frozen solid... |
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LETIZIA |
Oh my God! (Pause) |
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ALESSIO |
Come on... it's not really all that tragic... |
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LETIZIA |
Don't tell me you have a comic view of life? |
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ALESSIO |
I... I don't view life as anything... |
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LETIZIA |
That's what I thought. |
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ALESSIO |
I just live, that's all. |
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LETIZIA |
You just live? |
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ALESSIO |
I live... |
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LETIZIA |
Are you sure? |
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ALESSIO |
Well, not always... for instance, when I get caught up in my own thoughts... it's like I'm immersed in a river that is carrying me away...I lose all touch with reality. I'm there without really being there, and then I wind up not being there at all... It's my thoughts that... (He shakes his head) Then, the slightest thing... my nose itching, for example... can bring me back to reality... I scratch it, or just touch it... (He touches his nose with a finger) I feel my face with my hand... I become aware of myself again... and so I start to react, to do all the trivial, repetitive things I always do... cooking, ironing, washing clothes... |
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LETIZIA |
(Pause) I'm bored. |
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ALESSIO |
What can I do? |
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LETIZIA |
Don't do anything more. |
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ALESSIO |
What have I done up to now? |
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LETIZIA |
Nothing... |
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ALESSIO |
So? |
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LETIZIA |
Just keep doing nothing! (Pause) I'll be going in a little while... |
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ALESSIO |
Going? Where? |
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LETIZIA |
Back home. |
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ALESSIO |
We just got married...? |
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LETIZIA |
Just... It's already been fifteen days... |
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ALESSIO |
Fifteen days are nothing when all your life is in front of you. |
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LETIZIA |
Why did we do it? |
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ALESSIO |
I thought you loved me. |
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LETIZIA |
Yes... so did I... maybe I just got distracted? |
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ALESSIO |
What? You get distracted for a moment so you go out and get married?! |
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LETIZIA |
No, I mean... my head is often in the clouds, too... and I do things without thinking a lot of times... |
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ALESSIO |
But getting married is an important step! |
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LETIZIA |
I know, I know... but you see, before I do anything, I imagine it... and then when I actually do it... I'm disappointed... (Pauses-Smiles) Sometimes I imagine the craziest things... |
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ALESSIO |
Like what? |
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LETIZIA |
Oh, don't ask me. I just wouldn't be able to tell you. |
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ALESSIO |
I'd like to know your thoughts. |
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LETIZIA |
I forget lots of things... |
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ALESSIO |
Me too... |
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LETIZIA |
All kinds of things float through my mind. |
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ALESSIO |
Mine too... |
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LETIZIA |
Couldn't they be the same thoughts, wandering from one mind to another, even though everyone thinks they belong to himself? |
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ALESSIO |
I never thought of that... |
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LETIZIA |
Sometimes my reflections just come to me, without any connection to anything... and they take me completely by surprise. |
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ALESSIO |
You're pretty smart... |
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LETIZIA |
And yet I often feel so foolish... (Pause - She looks at him for a second) Do you know who I am? |
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ALESSIO |
What do you mean? |
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LETIZIA |
Do you really know who this is standing in front of you? |
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ALESSIO |
I married you... I should know who my wife is... |
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LETIZIA |
Yes, yes. You know that your wife is your wife... just like I know that my husband is my husband... but who am I, besides being your wife? |
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ALESSIO |
No, please, let's not start with the mind games, okay? You're Letizia! Who are you supposed to be? Letizia Arpigo, you work in group B at the post office... third floor, personnel department and... Come on, I've known you for twenty years! |
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LETIZIA |
So you know I work at the post office, third floor, personnel department, that I have red hair and freckles. You know how much I earn and that I'm your wife. What else? |
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ALESSIO |
I'll get to know you more as we go along... |
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LETIZIA |
When you get down to it, I know the same things about you, too... |
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ALESSIO |
What more do we need to know for now.? |
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LETIZIA |
What if I discovered you were a maniac? |
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ALESSIO |
Who me?! |
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LETIZIA |
Or if you discover that I am... |
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ALESSIO |
If that were to happen, we'd do whatever needs to... |
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LETIZIA |
So it might be true... |
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ALESSIO |
I didn't say that... |
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LETIZIA |
It’s true... |
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ALESSIO |
No, wait... |
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LETIZIA |
You are... Oh my God, I've married a maniac! |
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ALESSIO |
What's popped into your head now? |
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LETIZIA |
Alessio, why do you keep that door locked?! |
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ALESSIO |
No real reason... I locked it once and now I can't find the key... |
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LETIZIA |
Do you swear it's not true then? |
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ALESSIO |
What? |
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LETIZIA |
That you're a maniac! |
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ALESSIO |
Don't worry... I'm no maniac... Get that out of your mind. |
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LETIZIA |
Nowadays you can't be too sure. You meet fine, upstanding people... well-dressed doctors and lawyers who smile and shake your hand. Then one day they rape you in the elevator. |
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ALESSIO |
That's never happened to me. |
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LETIZIA |
What? |
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ALESSIO |
I've never raped anyone... |
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LETIZIA |
Well, there's no telling with these things...Years and years of living a quiet life...then one day - zap - a sudden impulse... |
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ALESSIO |
If it's so sudden, how can you do anything to prevent it? Anyway... if it should happen, I'll just blame it on the impulse... (He rubs his face with his hand) |
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LETIZIA |
(Pause) Who do I remind you of? |
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ALESSIO |
What? |
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LETIZIA |
Who do you think of when you look at me? |
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ALESSIO |
Well... just you... |
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LETIZIA |
Nobody else? |
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ALESSIO |
Not really... Wait! Yes, maybe my mother when she was young. |
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LETIZIA |
I knew it! You think I look like her! That's why you think you know me. |
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ALESSIO |
Well no... You're Letizia, my wife. |
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LETIZIA |
Was she pretty? |
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ALESSIO |
Like you... |
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LETIZIA |
Did you love her a lot? |
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ALESSIO |
Sure... all children love their mothers... |
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LETIZIA |
And did she love you? |
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ALESSIO |
In her way... |
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LETIZIA |
I should have known... |
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ALESSIO |
What? |
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LETIZIA |
All I had to do was put two and two together... |
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ALESSIO |
What are you talking about? |
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LETIZIA |
You tricked me... |
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ALESSIO |
Who, me? |
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LETIZIA |
When people get married, it's always for a reason that has nothing to do with love... |
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ALESSIO |
But I love you, I do... |
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LETIZIA |
Now I know why you made me feel like a stranger... |
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ALESSIO |
That's not true, I... |
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LETIZIA |
You've put me in your mother's place... You're pretty good at hiding your real intentions... but so am I, you know. (Pause) Did you ever stop to think that I might have a double life? The pure, chaste girl for all of you at the office... and a man-eating monster outside? |
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ALESSIO |
Don't make me laugh... |
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LETIZIA |
I could make you cry... |
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ALESSIO |
I've never heard any gossip about you... |
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LETIZIA |
I told you, I'm good at hiding things. |
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ALESSIO |
But if you've only had one boyfriend in your entire life... You met him at the beach one summer and you never even kissed.... |
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LETIZIA |
I didn't like him. (Pause) Do you know where I spend my weekends? |
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ALESSIO |
Where? |
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LETIZIA |
How many weeks are there in a month? |
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ALESSIO |
Uh, four... |
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LETIZIA |
Right... and I take turns visiting my four lovers. One lives in Milan, one in Tenerife, one in New York and one in Bogota…. I globe hop, week after week, filling my nights with passion. |
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ALESSIO |
Pretty good imagination... |
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LETIZIA |
You think so? |
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ALESSIO |
I'm sure of it... |
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LETIZIA |
Well, if you're happy... (Pause) How's the champagne coming along? |
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ALESSIO |
I'll go check... (He walks towards the table) It’s starting to thaw... |
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LETIZIA |
Don't you have anything else to drink? |
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ALESSIO |
I've got some excellent Chianti! |
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LETIZIA |
No thanks. Wine makes me sleepy. |
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ALESSIO |
That really would take the cake, wouldn't it? |
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LETIZIA |
What? |
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ALESSIO |
Well... that finally alone in our own home... all we thought about was sleeping.... |
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LETIZIA |
We've been alone for fifteen days, and that's more or less all you've done... |
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ALESSIO |
I was tired... besides, hotel rooms don't give you that feeling of intimacy... |
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LETIZIA |
And this apartment does?! |
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ALESSIO |
It's our love nest... |
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LETIZIA |
Enough with this love nest already... I'm beginning to feel like a hen. You know what... I think I will go to sleep! |
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ALESSIO |
Okay, right this way... |
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LETIZIA |
No, not in there... |
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ALESSIO |
Where then? |
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LETIZIA |
At my house. |
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ALESSIO |
So you weren't kidding? |
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LETIZIA |
Of course not! Tomorrow morning I have to get up at seven. The plane leaves at eight. |
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ALESSIO |
The plane? |
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LETIZIA |
For Tenerife. |
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ALESSIO |
What?! |
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LETIZIA |
Tomorrow is Saturday. |
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ALESSIO |
You mean it's true? |
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LETIZIA |
That tomorrow is Saturday? |
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ALESSIO |
No, about your weekends... That you go... that you go to see your four lovers. |
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LETIZIA |
Of course! |
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ALESSIO |
Well, why didn't you tell me before we got married?! |
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LETIZIA |
You never asked! |
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BLACKOUT |
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...... |
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If yuo want to read the whole play, send me an E-mail 
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